11am

So the horrid drunk low I experienced all night has finally passed. I didn’t sleep a wink and feel like a zombie, spent about 2 hours on the loo with my IBS between 5-7am, now making myself a bacon sandwich. Ugh, why do I continue to keep putting myself through this? It’s so horrible to feel so guilty as well as physically ill. No more poison in my body. I’m starting with a smaller goal of 100 days and hopefully I will be able to extend it after that.

I had a good chat with the kids and Mr A this morning, said how important it is for me to abstain completely (he always says it too drastic and I don’t have that much of an issue but I think I just hide it well) and how sorry I was for the way I behaved last night, for the shouting, crying and yelling. I told the kids that I struggle to ask for help or talk about my problems and instead think having alcohol will help me, but it just makes things worse. I said I was never taught how to properly cope with my emotions and that I was going to try really hard to do it properly now to set a good example for them all. I said if we have problems we have to talk to someone, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m on the waiting list for a talking therapy service which should take about 6-8 weeks.