So I feel like shit. My head is killing me, my stomach is churning and I keep running to the loo….

First thing I did when I went downstairs was pour out the remaining vodka…. there wasn’t much left, the £9.99 bottle has 13.4 units in and I probably had 9…on top of the 4 free glasses of prosecco that kicked it all off… I was so relieved my singing went well and watching others sipping fizz in the sun I just didn’t even put up a fight…as soon as I’d had one I was asking for more, drinking fast so I could try and get as many free drinks in before we headed home…snuck out to the little shop to get vodka …. why!!!

I started talking shite to everyone, I was messaging people (nothing horrendous just pissed talk though which is annoying for people) and now I just feel rough.

I will buy the jason vale book today. Thanks for the support yesterday.. I definitely feel like now I know I just don’t want to drink…I achieved nothing, it’s set me back with my fitness and just nothing good came from drinking last night…I’ve got a festival with my sister next Saturday and I was worried about that because I thought I’d wanna drink but now I just know I don’t want to. I’m thinking of starting an instant account or something where I can count down from 100 days to keep myself motivated but might just stick with this

I’ve failed at staying dry..,but hear me out first…. I’ve been dry for 16 day (woo hoo) and my aim was to regain control…which I did,…now today I’ve felt guilty all day and beating myself up for drinking because of my blog but, here’s the but….it’s ok to have a slip,or It’s okay to set the clock back to day one with a new force ahead.

So it’s two weeks tonight since I got drunk last,well had a drink even – and I feel great. My body is healthier, my mind is healthier – then why have I just asked my friend if she wants to go out for tea on Saturday after I’ve done my singing set in the marketplace? I’ve been asked to sing at an outdoor event which is mostly about a Prosecco pop-up bar (and the lady said I could have plenty free Prosecco to which I didn’t answer at the time) and now my friend (who loves Prosecco) is coming down to watch , and I just text her asking if she fancied going for a meal and “doing something afterwards.” It’s like self sabotage ….🤦🏼‍♀️

Why does this string smell make me feel nostalgic…I swear it smells like pure Smirnoff

So these Sunday afternoons are easily passed by with a vodka or four…going into Monday morning feeling groggy, guilty and tired from insomnia…. tomorrow won’t be like that, yet why do I feel compelled to go out and have “just one” at a pub…which may lead to two which by then I may as well go buy a little bottle to finish the night…. NO

I don’t want that, but I am craving it right now, not the downside I’m craving obviously just the safe, familiar….instead of the unknown….

I’m so much healthy now, food wise too I’m eating good food , I ran 10miles on Thursday, 3 yesterday and 6 today so I guess I’m finding it easier to be active too, which makes sense …thou shall not drink today!!

Just taking it one day at a time, not sure about tomorrow but I’m not drinking today!

Feeing like I want to drink this weekend , think it’s the sun….will blog properly later

So last Wednesday was the evening (from 4pm) when I finished THAT bottle of vodka…. and I am so happy I haven’t bought more since then! Waking up each morning I do a quick rethink of the day before and remember I didn’t drink and I can feel proud and clear headed…

Instead of thinking about myself I can focus on the three kids who need a lot of my real attention these days, rather than me sitting getting pissed beside them and not actually listening to them.

I have already had one thought of having friends round and I couldn’t help myself but say there would be plenty of prosecco…as I was trying to cheer up a friend, but I don’t think they will take me up on the offer and if they do I will get myself alcohol free??? Leaving that bridge until I have to cross it …

Feeling much more productive this week and like life is less Scary as I’m able to get other things done on an evening. I even restarted looking at my music theory which I began and then haven’t done any for months and I’ve got my first few outdoor gigs booked in so things are really looking up.