I just had to finish my bottle of ketchup

You never hear anyone saying this do you? So why do so many people (including my old self) feel the need to finish a bottle of alcohol? Why does it call you from the fridge “come drink me”… a sweet whisper…. “you need me, I taste like shit and will make you sick and I’m full of toxins and things your body doesn’t need in excess or indeed at all, but you must finish this bottle…” it just doesn’t have the same pull to it does it?

Day 80

Without alcohol things are much clearer – it’s obvious why you would argue with your partner so much more when you are pissed or hungover – you feel like shit and are irritable as hell. When you’re pissed you get bored easily and I guess arguing would be some kind of distraction for me – and an excuse to drink more “I was fine until I fell out with A” seems to spring to mind as a frequent line.

When I think of the panic I would feel leading up to having a drink or trying not to have a drink, I should have removed that long ago. I think this time something has changed, there has been a real switch in my brain, the re-wiring worked. Once I’d had that first sip the only thing I would think about is how I can get more and continue to get enough until I would sleep, for a few hours then the dread would come. I do not miss lying awake at night crying because I’m still drunk and know I’m going to spend the whole morning on the toilet and have a terrible day – my ‘bad’ hangover days were literally spent wishing the day away as fast as I could so I could crawl back into bed and catch up on the sleep I’d missed from the day before. I mean seriously – wasting and wishing away a whole day, think of the things I could have achieved in that time. I mean I’m not beating myself up about it cos I cant change the past and I have learnt, but if you are reading this and just thinking about or starting out alcohol free then believe me it is worth pushing through to the other side. We got this!

Day 79

Has it been almost a week since I last made a post? The days are going so fast, I guess it’s because I don’t wake up with dread each day. Still feel great physically and not at all wanting a drink, I think the hypnotist deserves a medal! I tend to write when things are hard, so remembering to blog when things are good is tricky!! Sorry!! Will try harder ☺️

Day 72

How is everyone getting on? It’s amazing how strong and fit I feel after these 72 days without alcohol, and I’m never bloated (that’s from saying goodbye to fizzy drinks too as an added bonus). I’m a small person so it’s great not to carry that fizzy frump around with me anymore!

It’s 6.45 and I’m about to do an exercise class at 7, of course I couldn’t do that if I had been sloshed last night. All those mornings spent on the toilet, shutting my eyes and wishing I would wake up the next day. What a waste, but I’m away from that now, can’t change the past but I sure can be in charge of my future!!🤛💪🏻

I did it!

Ok, day 59 and I’m feeling super strong! Just been to weatherspoons (for the last time for a while with new restrictions coming in tomorrow in the UK) with my friend that I usually only drink with! I ordered my fruit juice and didn’t want alcohol at any point!!!

I looked at people drinking and thought about the toxins they were putting into their bodies… I can’t say I’m all high and mighty and it wasn’t like I thought I was better than anyone else I just felt satisfied, when usually I’d be trying to cram in as many drinks as possible and keep the kids out long past them being bored, it’s just such a relief! And I will wake up tomorrow on day 60/2 months!!

Day 58 – going for the 100?

Still sober but seem to be eating non stop, could just be the Halloween crap….

At the weekend I had that “let’s have a drink” feeing/idea but I came here and re-read the last time I gave up giving up and realised what I really want. I really want to give myself the gift of health and happiness and knowing my feelings. Not always wondering if my mood is low because of alcohol at the weekend or night before, trusting my intuition. It feels good. Much better than any hangover!!

I did have Pepsi again but felt awful after it so won’t be buying it again, it’s not enjoyable at all. I am having far too much caffeine so I’m going to start keeping an eye on that, if I can limit to 5 cups a day that will be better than what I’m currently having 6-8 😩