Failure??

I’ve failed at staying dry..,but hear me out first…. I’ve been dry for 16 day (woo hoo) and my aim was to regain control…which I did,…now today I’ve felt guilty all day and beating myself up for drinking because of my blog but, here’s the but….it’s ok to have a slip,or It’s okay to set the clock back to day one with a new force ahead.

14 days

So it’s two weeks tonight since I got drunk last,well had a drink even – and I feel great. My body is healthier, my mind is healthier – then why have I just asked my friend if she wants to go out for tea on Saturday after I’ve done my singing set in the marketplace? I’ve been asked to sing at an outdoor event which is mostly about a Prosecco pop-up bar (and the lady said I could have plenty free Prosecco to which I didn’t answer at the time) and now my friend (who loves Prosecco) is coming down to watch , and I just text her asking if she fancied going for a meal and “doing something afterwards.” It’s like self sabotage ….🤦🏼‍♀️

Sunday Sunday

So these Sunday afternoons are easily passed by with a vodka or four…going into Monday morning feeling groggy, guilty and tired from insomnia…. tomorrow won’t be like that, yet why do I feel compelled to go out and have “just one” at a pub…which may lead to two which by then I may as well go buy a little bottle to finish the night…. NO

I don’t want that, but I am craving it right now, not the downside I’m craving obviously just the safe, familiar….instead of the unknown….

I’m so much healthy now, food wise too I’m eating good food , I ran 10miles on Thursday, 3 yesterday and 6 today so I guess I’m finding it easier to be active too, which makes sense …thou shall not drink today!!

Just taking it one day at a time, not sure about tomorrow but I’m not drinking today!

Almost though week one (again)

So last Wednesday was the evening (from 4pm) when I finished THAT bottle of vodka…. and I am so happy I haven’t bought more since then! Waking up each morning I do a quick rethink of the day before and remember I didn’t drink and I can feel proud and clear headed…

Instead of thinking about myself I can focus on the three kids who need a lot of my real attention these days, rather than me sitting getting pissed beside them and not actually listening to them.

I have already had one thought of having friends round and I couldn’t help myself but say there would be plenty of prosecco…as I was trying to cheer up a friend, but I don’t think they will take me up on the offer and if they do I will get myself alcohol free??? Leaving that bridge until I have to cross it …

Feeling much more productive this week and like life is less Scary as I’m able to get other things done on an evening. I even restarted looking at my music theory which I began and then haven’t done any for months and I’ve got my first few outdoor gigs booked in so things are really looking up.

A brand-new day

Okay so I did it again, I feel like shit, it’s over between me and alcohol. Alcohol in my house it’s all gone and the next time I tell myself it’s okay to buy any I’m going to call a friend and ask her to remind me why it’s not. I slept till 3 am so wasn’t too bad on the insomnia side of things. Which is the thing I hate the most.

During the night I was telling myself I was going to be really super positive today and I’m still hanging onto that …I just do feel a little bit sick and my stomach is not happy nor is my head but I guess if I didn’t have a hangover I probably wouldn’t realise how bad this is gotten.

I’m downloading the sober-time app as I think that really helps me see how far I’ve come once it gets a few weeks in.

I’m preparing for a crap day at work today as we have to sort out a big mistake I made so I probably could’ve done with having a clear head ,but there’s no point beating myself up about it – I may as well just try and be positive , pretend I feel great and get on with it. I’m supposed to be out running tonight with a friend but I might ask if she wants to go in the morning just because I can’t wait to crawl back into bed already and it’s only 8:30 am happy days 😩